It feels like it has been so long since I have sat down to type an update! And in reality it has been a very long time. So much has happened and I am excited to document some of the highlights over the last few weeks.
With great anticipation we prepared for our furlough back to the states. We were looking forward to reconnecting with family and friends, being in our home land again and experiencing a different pace of life. The trip certainly did not disappoint!
The day after we got back we spent time preparing a special little party to celebrate the gift of life that God has given to Jared and I by finding out if we should prepare for a boy or a girl. Jared and I had decided that we wanted to cut a cake to find out the gender and even though I love baking cakes, this was one cake someone else had to make for me! I had asked a young lady who was just starting into cake baking to make the cake with either pink or blue filling. We had gotten an ultrasound here in Grenada, had the gender written on a piece of paper inside an envelope which we gave to Sammy and Jana Mapson, a local Grenadian family. Jana then messaged the cake baker so that nobody at the party would know the gender until the cake was cut. Or at least that was the plan! Jared and I went to pick the cake and together we looked inside the box at the cute bee hive cake, wondering what color was inside. Just a minute after we had pulled out the driveway I felt the cake tip over! I looked at Jared and said I need to check inside the box to see what had happened. He quickly said no way and we decided to cover it with a blanket just incase some coloring would leak out through the sides of the box. We finally arrived to my parents and my sister was able to take the cake and fix it up. She was able to tell the gender so we were glad we hadn't looked inside! We had a fun time of playing some games together, name suggestions, parenting advice, and of course cutting that cake! We are excited to welcome a baby BOY around Christmas! We feel grateful to God for the blessing of a smooth and healthy pregnancy for the last 33 weeks. I am becoming more and more weary and this tropical heat does nothing to help matters but I continue to remind myself that soon all this will be passed so I need to soak up these moments.
Jared's sister got married just a few days after we arrived back. The wedding was one of the main reasons we had a trip back, which we didn’t want to miss! Jared and I were in the bridal party which was a special honor for us! I had sewed the dress I was to wear before we traveled, just making it a little on the big side to accommodate my growing body. The day was a lovely day and we enjoyed witnessing the gift of marriage.
There was such yummy food every way we turned. Now that we have arrived back, all the Grenadians say both Jared and I have gained a few pounds! What can we say, we often had supper invitations with friends and my mom certainly did a wonderful job keeping us well fed. I especially enjoyed the fruits such as blueberries, strawberries, oranges, and of course we had our share of delicious fresh peaches. Jared was on cloud nine driving around in little blue! He also enjoyed doing a bit of hard physical concrete work. He got a few chances to get his hands greasy fixing this or that. I enjoyed thrifting and yard sailing in anticipation of our baby boy. As well as making flower bouquets out of all the lovely end of summer blooms. We had a few opportunities to go swimming, tubing, or kayaking. We also had a fun evening boating on the Susquehanna with friends. We have good memories of camping and cabin trips with some friends and family. Good food cooked over the fire, corn hole games, and reconnecting with people we love. It was special to invest into the lives of our friends’ children, some of whom we had never met before! It was good for us to be in our own house again! We left it as an Air BNB and chose to stay with my parents during our time back. The first time we walked into the house we just stood there looking around at everything that was ours! We did struggle with the wealth of Lancaster County and even the wealth of our own house. It felt so unfair that we know so many people who hardly have enough to eat, let alone a big house with a neatly trimmed lawn and an overflowing garden. But we view it as a good thing that we are aware of this and hope that is something that we don’t loose to quickly.
While we were back for this trip, we had intended to meet my birth mother. I guess I can call this a highlight but I do have to admit that there were some anxious feelings involved with this experience although we are so glad we took the opportunity. My birth mother has a lung disease and her health has been declining. We decided that even though meeting her on a trip seemed like it wasn’t the best time, it was better then wishing we had done it while we had the chance. Through the course of messaging, we decided to add my birth brother to the meeting, making it my birth sister, who we have met twice, and also my birth mother and brother for the first time. As the meeting grew closer, I tried not to think about it to much. How do you prepare yourself to meet your ‘family’? A few days before the meeting, my birth brother messaged and said that his dad (my birth dad) lives near by and would love the opportunity to meet but he was leaving it up to me, whatever I felt comfortable or ready for. Jared and I talked about it quite a bit and we had a few conversations about it with my parents, getting their advice. In the end we decided to meet my birth mother, brother, and father all at one time and get the first time over with at once! I felt most anxious about meeting my birth father. On pictures he has always looked like a hard core man with lots of tattoos, chains, and skulls. I decided to take a bouquet of flowers for my birth mother and also some whoopie pies to share. On our drive to Philly, tears blurred my eyes and ran down over my face as Jared squeezed my hand and told me it would be ok, I had him and Jesus. How I wished I could get out of this! But yet I wouldn’t have if I could have! We talked about what to say when we arrived…How should we greet them? What should we call them? I remember telling Jared-what if we are sitting there and someone just pulls out a gun and shoots us! We were meeting strangers and we just didn’t know how things would turn out!
We arrived around the same time as my birth sister Renee and she was able to introduce us to them and them to us which helped break the ice. Things went very well and they did not take ownership of me as their daughter or sister and even referred to my adoptive parents as my mom and dad, wondering how this makes them feel. They were very curious about our life as Mennonites, even asking if we have indoor plumbing and what we do with all our time if we don’t watch TV! They are very interested in Christianity and we have tried to explain bits and pieces. They were asking why I wear that piece of cloth on my head-Jared explained a bit of the headship order and after just a second of processing, Joe (brother) replied ‘that is what we call old fashioned!’ We could tell there were different things that they noticed in us that were hard for them to understand. At one point Joe said that I am just a bit different than the rest of the family, quieter and more reserved. Jared and I talked later that we felt I was just as much involved in conversation as everyone else but perhaps Joe was seeing an attitude of submission and he didn’t quite know what to make of it. They are very anxiously waiting for us to move back to continue with the relationship. There was a comment made by one of them that we need to make up for the lost years. While we are grateful for this opportunity it is hard for us to know where to draw the line. I already have a family, but to them, I was always the missing link that has now been discovered. We can now see a tiny window into why God allowed this meeting to happen on our trip. It felt almost inconvenient to process through some of these feelings and emotions while on a trip. If we would have felt good about waiting, we would have preferred to wait to meet until we move back to the States. But now we realize that this was God's way of taking us into this a bit more slowly. Would have we waited until next fall to meet, we would be force to quickly make a decision about whether or not we spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together. Doing it this way we have several months that we are far away and will not be invited to any ‘family’ gatherings. We continue to pray that God will soften their hearts and prepare us for whatever is ahead regarding our relationship with them. I do have to add that I feel so grateful for a steady husband to go through this with me! If you read this and think that’s a lovely story, I have to admit that there is more to it then that! I’ve been blessed with a family that has supported us in this endeavor and is behind us as we navigate through this experience, and that alone is more then I could ask for.
One of our very favorite memories from our trip to the states was a trip Jared and I took together. One Sunday afternoon we packed up little blue with food and clothing for a week and the tent and air mattress. We were off on an adventure up through the New England States. What precious memories we made together! Not long after we had left we drove into rain, thoroughly soaking everything on the back of little blue. Most things stayed dry in totes but still there was the tent and camp chairs that got wet. That night as we lay on the air mattress, people would have laughed if they could have seen how opposite Jared and I were feeling. Jared probably fell asleep with a huge smile on his face, completely in his glory while I, in my third trimester of pregnancy was trying not to complain about the smokey campfire smell, the rain falling on the tent roof and the fact that I was rolling slightly toward the middle of the air mattress, since I am still the lighter one of the two of us. The rainy camping part of it was certainly a stretch for me but now that we are a few weeks past, the worst memories have faded and I would probably do it again! Each day we drove a distance and did quite a bit of touring on the way and then later in the afternoon we would arrive at a camp ground, set up the wet tent and enjoy supper over the fire and an evening together. The next morning it was time to pack up and find new adventures for that day! On the last evening some dear friends gifted us with an Air B&B. It was such a needed balm for my soul as I noticed the thermometer reading 28 degrees the next morning! One of our favorite places was as far north as we went, Acadia National Park. It was so breath takingly beautiful and just had us in awe of Gods creativity. Some other highlights were hiking the Fleming Gorge, driving little blue up Mt Washington and seeing snowflakes, stopping at several beautiful light houses, and touring an old colonial settlement Plimoth Patuxet. Of course, there was much time for hours of conversation which hold a special place in my heart. Jared was very gracious with stopping as often as I needed as I do have to admit that little blue isn’t the most comfortable ride I’ve ever had. But what can I say, he made it without a hiccup! We would often time our break to hit a thrift store and look for items for the precious baby boy growing inside my tummy. People often say your honey moon is the best trip you will ever take, but both Jared and I agree that to us, this far passed our honeymoon! Except for the sleeping accommodations and I only agreed to that to save a chunk of money and to fill Jared’s camping tank!
As the weeks passed by we felt more and more ready to come home, back to Grenada. While we enjoyed our time tremendously we eventually realized that you can only vacation for so long until that isn’t so fulfilling anymore! We felt like our time was long enough to really reconnect with home and as we wrapped up the 7 weeks, we didn’t feel like we were leaving with things we wished we could have fit into our schedule. We walked out of the airport glad to be back and excited for the next few months. The first days and weeks were much harder then we anticipated! We worked through some hard struggles that have grown and stretched us but we are grateful to be back to a life that is fulfilling. Our replacement, Arlen and Sharon Krabill stayed a week longer allowing us time to reconnect with them! They are a very encouraging, wise older couple whom have a special place in our hearts. It was sad to see them head back to Oregon but we were thankful for the time we did have together. Living life foreign is full of many joyful hellos and many painful goodbyes.
We have hopped right back into the busy schedule of life here in Grenada, or at least Jared has! I have to admit that as the weeks pass I become more and more unproductive, which has been hard for me to accept. The tropical heat has been hard for me and the tile floor isn't very comfortable for my aching body. I've told Jared that I feel like I've lost the joy of life, each hot day I think-I just have to make it through this day and then 40 something more! I continue to remind myself that if I can't find contentment in this stage, I won't find it in the next stage. So each day I challenge myself to accept the circumstances and enjoy life as it is, comfortable or not so comfortable! Jared had to work over time to catch up on all his responsibilities that piled up for 7 weeks. But thankfully things have been slowing down for him a bit and he's been able to catch his breath again. As we go through each moment of the day we remind ourselves that there is always something to be thankful for and most days there is much more then just something-there are many things!
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