As I press the keys to type this update I wonder where to start. So much has happened. God has been so good and it's time for us to tell the story. We document this for ourselves but we welcome you to read into our happenings, thoughts, and feelings.
Over the weekend we had visitors from the States! Jared's brother and family were here to visit for an extended weekend and we packed the time full with them! There were a few things I skipped out on to give my pregnant body a break but their time with us was enjoyable and even more enjoyable now that I know it was my last week carrying our son.
Wednesday was a relaxing day for me. I spent much time with the Lord and tidied up the house. Throughout the last week I had picked up that I had a UTI which I have had twice before in pregnancy. Both times I had some fluid discharge. We were in contact with my doctor who was out of the office for the week. We didn't want to push it off so we persisted and even seen a different doctor to get the process moving so I could get on antibiotics. On Wednesday the results from my urine culture came back that I had a UTI so we worked at getting medicine but were told we need to wait until Friday when the doctor would be in to write a prescription.
Jared came home from school Wednesday late in the afternoon and we were anxious to do one more step in preparing for our son! We had been gifted a beautiful baby swing that we wanted to hang up and Jared had also made a cute little toy for our son to spend hours under. As we hung the swing we remember saying that we are ready! We remember telling him that he can come any time now because he has got a swing to relax in. Half an hour later as we were eating supper I felt the fluid I was leaking pick up significantly. However, I knew I had a UTI so we associated it with that. We got ready for council service and talked about whether I should just stay home but I felt that it would be encouraging for me to see the church family so I decided to go along to the Limes. The evening was long for me, I felt something was off, I knew I was loosing a lot of fluid but yet what could I do! On the way home I remember saying that how do we know if this is the water breaking...but I had only passed 34 weeks pregnant, I was fairly sure it couldn't be that.
We got into bed soon after we got home, Jared spent some time praying over our son, asking God to work His perfect plan. It wasn't long after that when I realized more was going on and the clear liquid had turned to a significant amount of blood. We called the doctor from our private hospital and she told us to go into the general, it sounded like I was in preterm labor. Jared firmly told her that we did not want to go to the general hospital and we are seeing her and paying her for her service. She agreed to meet us at the private hospital in 20 minutes. We gathered our things together and I look back on it as a huge blessing that I had our hospital bags packed so early. We debated just letting them at home, we were fairly sure we would be coming home in a few hours but for good measure we took them.
We arrived at the private hospital and I was examined by the doctor. She told us I was certainly in labor and already dilated to 4 or 5 centimeters. I felt no pain and felt it very hard to believe but she was certain that the baby was coming. Around 20 weeks Jared and I had a scare and we thought we were loosing our baby, after an examination we were told that I have a benign polyp or growth that is typically nothing to be worried about-so we didn't worry about it. Along with hearing I was in preterm labor the doctor also said that this small polyp I had has grown into a mass. Jared and I looked at each other and as I lay there on the table he squeezed my hand. What does that mean we wondered? We were told they cannot handle premature babies at the private hospital and that I would have to deliver at the general hospital. The doctor wished us good luck and walked out the door. Jared and I sure felt alone!
I walked into the ambulance and lay on the bed. I really wanted Jared to take me but they insisted I need to go in the ambulance. I watched out the tops of the windows and by the familiar turns and bumps in the road I could tell where we were. Every now and then headlights would shine into the back window of the ambulance and I'd take a deep breath and remind myself Jared was right behind me in the trusty blue bus. When we arrived to the hospital I needed to get checked in which was a long process. I was put into the labor room and Jared was not allowed to be with me. I lay on the bed, surrounded by a few other women in labor which was unsettling for me. Thankfully curtains separated us but I could still certainly hear all the sounds. After several hours I was allowed to go out and find my bed in the ward. At this point they were thinking I would spend 2 weeks in the hospital on bedrest to continue developing the baby. For a few minutes Jared and I were able to be together as we got my bags to my bed. Jared then had to leave again. We were told I would go for an ultrasound at 8am so Jared and I decided that he might as well go home and get a few hours of sleep, look into plane tickets, and then come to be with me in the morning. The early morning hours were long for me. I could not be with my husband, I had no wifi to message people, and I was surrounded by other mamas and their new babies so it was not quiet or peaceful. Sleep was far from me.
Finally around 5am I felt concerned about the constant bleeding so I mentioned to a nurse that I felt unsettled about it and wondered how long was to long to be loosing blood. Thankfully she got onto things and sent me back to the doctor and before long I was on my way to get an ultrasound. I tried to call Jared but he was fast asleep. The ultrasound revealed that my water levels were down to a 5 when they should have been at 15, so my water had clearly broken. Still I felt no pain physically. The morning hours finally passed and Jared and I were able to get in contact. I told him the ultrasound revealed we certainly had a son on the way! Jared hurried into the hospital at 7am and seen two beautiful rainbows, one of which is the cover photo for this blog. He was comforted at the reminder of God's faithfulness and thought to himself how God but two rainbows in the sky, one for Sherie and one for the baby and that everything will be alright. Hospital security would not let him in as visiting hours are 11-12 and 3-5. He sat outside pondering what to do when a nurse asked if he was ok. He told her his wife was inside and he couldn't get in. The nurse talked to security and they made one of what would become many exceptions for Jared. At 8am the surgical doctor arrived and I was the first person she saw.
I was called back to the examination room where I was examined and told some very unsettling news. We have not shared this part of the story with many people as it is very painful and hard for us. The two doctors examining me told me they did not feel the thing we were told is a polyp actually is that. They did not want to say more but we pressed to know what they thought. They were clear that they could not say for sure until a biopsy is done but that the mass on my cervix looks like cervical cancer. They told us there needs to be a biopsy done in 6 weeks but this baby needs to come out today. The question was, do we fly back to the states or go with a C-section birth at the general hospital? We had no time to discuss this privately. We needed to make a decision now. Thankfully in that moment we felt peace. Neither of us were emotional considering the pressure we were under and the news we had just heard. A few family and friends were praying and in about 2 minutes of conversing with the doctors, we decided that it was to risky to fly with my fluid level so low.
I was told to come this way to prepare for an emergency C-section. Again Jared and I were separated and he took this time to update our family and let them know what our Thursday was holding. Finally I was ready for surgery and as I climbed onto the stretcher covered in a white sheet I wished with all my heart somebody would shake me out of this terrible night mare. For a few minutes Jared and I were able to be together as I waited to go into the operating room. I felt nervous and how I wished Jared could go back with me. Tears ran down my face and sobs shook my body. This was nothing how we had planned. Jared put his face down next to mine and told me that this was part of God's plan and all we needed to do is trust. I was a strong woman and he knew God would go with me. He wiped my tears, squeezed my hand and kissed my forehead one last time before we became parents. How thankful I am for a strong husband. After a short prayer together, I was being pushed back through the doors into the cold unfriendly operating room.
A man stood beside me and held my hand, he wasn't my skin color but I tried to imagine that he was Jared. He sang a few songs to try to calm my heart. The team of doctors asked if we had a name for the baby that was coming. I proudly said Isaac John. A few of them danced around me, proclaiming how baby Isaac is coming soon! I smiled, I would be just alright, there was a man singing next to me, doctors dancing around me, family praying for me, and a husband waiting for me. But most of all a God watching over me. They placed the mask on my face and I fell asleep asking God to keep me, baby Isaac, and Jared in His hand.
I woke up trying to remember what was going on. Oh yes, I had just given birth. I kept asking and asking for Jared and how Isaac was. My mind was so foggy but those two things mattered to me. Jared could not be with me in recovery because they were working on someone else. It was hard to listen to all the concerning sounds coming from the bed beside me but I decided to try to pray for the person to get my mind off of the fears I had. Finally I was being pushed out and couldn't wait to see Jared. As usual he had a bright smile and was so pleased to tell me I was a mama! He had gotten to see our son and things had looked pretty good considering he was so early.
The stretcher was pushed to my bed and I was told to move over into the bed. I painfully did just that and soon it was just me and Jared. I was in the ward surrounded by lots of other women but in my mind it was finally just me and him. Jared bent over me telling me about our little child and we again tried to grasp the happenings of the last few hours. Soon a doctor came to give us an update on Isaac. She told us that his lungs were not fully developed and that she had tried to give him medication to help with that but he was a strong little guy and just pulled out the tubes. She said that she had to sedate him and put a ventilator on him to finish but that hopefully we would soon know which way things were going to go. We were left alone for a little while and contemplated if we should keep his name Isaac John as we had planned or did we want to choose something else, should God take him home so soon? Finally we decided that we would keep his name the same. That was what we had planned for since we knew he was a boy and we trusted that God had led us to that for a reason. As this story has unfolded we have seen His hand in allowing us to choose that name.
The doctor came back with an update, telling us that Isaac was stable but that he was very critical. Jared asked for permission to take a picture to send out to family and friends. The doctor told us that they don't allow pictures in the ICU but that she would allow us to take one picture. Jared got the blocks out of the bag along with a blanket he found in the bag. I had just written on the blocks the day before, certainly not expecting to use them in this way. I had always envisioned a very sweet baby announcement photo and as Jared walked down the hall, I gave that up in my heart. After all I've been through now, the photo is very special to me, even if it is far from what I imagined!
The ward was not calm or peaceful, but I did have lots to watch! There were 36 mothers and babies in the ward making it a busy place. Thursday at 5:30 Jared had to leave, which was very hard for me. I had been through a lot and it would have meant so much to have his presence with me but he reminded me that we would still be together in heart. I was sleepy from a lost night of sleep the night before and the happenings of the day.
Friday morning I was told I could go up to see Isaac! I slowly followed the nurse out of the ward and up the elevator. She helped me put on a gown and told me where to go. I washed my hands and walked over to the baby I'd given birth to. I felt little to no emotion as I looked inside the clear NICU bubble. Tubes and wires surrounded his little body and it seemed unreal. Isaac's chest rose high and fell low and I could tell his breathing was nothing like it should be. I couldn't stay long as my body needed rest and I needed to think about what I'd just seen. A few hours later Jared was allowed to come in to see me and again we went up to see Isaac. The feelings felt nothing like I'd imagined as the three of us were finally together. I couldn't help but cry, this was such a different story then what I thought it would be.
Jared was allowed to be with me from 11am until noon and then from 3pm until 5pm. Those hours passed so quickly and in the time in between we were updating or responding to the overwhelming amount of support.
Saturday at 11am Jared and I went up to see our son, wondering what we would find. We felt almost stunned by the marked improvement in his breathing. He seemed much more steady and his chest rose and fell as a normal baby should. Saturday a situation arose with my blood levels. The doctors came several times asking if I was feeling light headed and checking my coloring. It was up in the air for a while if I would be getting a blood infusion, which we were hoping I would not need! I was put on medication to raise up my hemoglobin and platelets. The nurses told us that perhaps the machine had made an error and they would check again. Later they came back saying that the machine is recalibrating and they have a technician working on it. We did not hear more on that although I am still on the medication and am scheduled to get my blood levels checked again on Monday.
Sunday morning I eagerly waited to get my incision wound checked. I was so very very anxious to go home. Being in a room with other women caring for their newborns was hard for me. It was also very hard for me to be separated from Jared so much. It felt like after all we had been through that was what we needed most! Finally I was called back to the examination room and praise God, all looked well! Getting the dressing changed was painful but I tried very hard to be brave as I wanted so badly to go home! After a few hours I was given my release papers and Jared joyfully packed up my things! We were going home!! But as we packed up, I was called back yet again. This time they told me that since I was not Grenadian the hospital stay was not free for me and the billing department would not be open until Monday so I had to stay another night. I was devastated! I burst into tears right there in front of all the doctors and nurses. Some of them were merciful while others asked me what was wrong. I wondered to myself why somebody would even have to ask me what was wrong-it was obvious! I quickly left and through my sobs tried to tell Jared. He went in to advocate for us and explained how our baby is staying here in ICU. We will not be leaving the island any time soon! Eventually we were told they would call an on call pharmacist to get a bill together. We waited and waited and waited! We kept asking and they kept telling us that the bill was being worked on but after 3 hours we decided that cannot be true. Next we went up to say good bye to Isaac and again I left the ICU with tears running down my face. Once we got back to the maternity ward Jared went to the nurse to ask if we could be released. He explained we had waited 3 hours on a bill and promised we would be back at 11 the next morning to pay it. Eventually they said to go and come back to pay the bill tomorrow. How extremely frustrated we were but we were about to see God's reason for the 3 hour delay!
Finally we were walking toward the door. As we were heading out a woman stopped us wondering how baby Isaac was doing. We gave her a brief update saying that things are moving slowly but they are heading in the right direction! She then told us about a miracle that we are so thankful we waited for! She said that she had been in the room when I had my surgery and she seen the doctor pull Isaac out of my stomach and the doctor exclaim to find the cord wrapped tightly around his neck, twice. We stood there almost stunned. All of a sudden the C-section pain felt more worth while. My long days and nights in the hospital separated from my husband didn't seem so bad. We had almost lost our son. She said that she is so thankful we chose not to fly. Had I been able to carry Isaac longer and had him drop down in my womb I may have given birth to a still born. Had we chosen to wait and tried to fly, it could have been to late and Isaac could have been stillborn. We feel God gave us a glimpse into a part of His bigger picture and we stand in awe of Him.
Isaac continues to progress! It is slow but each little update is something that we are thankful for. They had started him out on 60% oxygen and today he is down to 25%. You and I breath 21%. Lord willing, tomorrow they will attempt to move him off the ventilator and onto a c pap machine. This will be a big step! The doctors are hopeful that it will go well but they said that it is critical and we need to keep praying. So join us in prayer for this specific thing as that feels big to us. The c pap machine will be oxygen like you and I breath but it will be always blowing in his nose reminding him to breath. Things are sounding hopeful that we may be able to hold him soon. However, we know that in this culture one thing can be said and then finally done, two days later! Isaac is being fed through an IV but soon they will start him on breast milk through a feeding tube and then when he is lively enough he will start to take a bottle or nurse. Yesterday they took the sedation off of him and we were so anxious to see how he would be acting today! He was certainly much more lively and when Jared and I woke him from a deep sleep he was not pleased! He kicked his little arm and legs and we could tell he was crying but there was no sound as the ventilator blocks that. I have continued to ask how long until he will open his eyes and this morning his doctor told me she seen him open his eyes and had to think of me as that is something I am longing to see! So we are excited about the progress in Isaac! Please continue to pray for him!
There has been many many hard parts to this journey. But perhaps the mass growing inside me is the most scary and overwhelming. We continue to remind ourselves that we do not have answers. We only know what a doctor thought it looked like. We do have an appointment for a biopsy in 6 weeks but we are really hoping that somehow we can get one done before that. It is hard for me to remember that God gives me strength for this moment, not for tomorrow or 6 weeks from now or a year from now. Please cry out to God on our behalf. This feels like it turns our world upside down and as we think through this we are struggling. We are working at processing this, preparing ourselves, and trusting our future to God.
God has been ever so faithful through this and we desperately want to bring Him glory in every little area of this story. Sometimes we feel so far away from home. But even in that we feel God's faithfulness ministering to the needs of our hearts in the moments that we feel in need. Thankyou for your support on this journey.
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